I have talked about how important my community of family and friends are to me. The genuine enthusiasm they all have for me for for moving forward - opening my very own in person local furniture store. This is so key for me and unbelievably appreciated. But I want to be open that there are still many personal struggles that only I can address, fight, learn from and sometimes suffer through. It is an important reminder for me to understand if I am not excited today for the shop, that doesn't mean it isn't the right decision. It just means I have a full life and it is not all sunshine and roses. Over the course of a day it is often a roller coaster of grief, self doubt, pride, feeling somewhat impressed with myself for taking on such a big business adventure all things considered, questioning the time it will take me away from my kids, getting to see both my kids kicking some butt at soccer this season, enjoying our animals being their cute selves, wishing Tom was here to help me hang things, lift the heavy pieces and just be the rock for me and the kids he always was. All of these things are not entirely exclusive to me- I am just working on my ability for self compassion. A complex mix of emotions and feelings comes with the territory of anyone- I am just navigating through re inventing Lori as widow, single mother, and now official brick and mortar business owner in this new version of me.
It can be a mind f*** for sure, or again, I can also be patient, within each day accept what I cannot control, pull the positive where I can make the concerted effort to do so, and if my knees do in fact start knocking that's ok too.... My mother visited this past weekend and her joy for the space was contagious, creative ideas plentiful and always amazing to hug her. This week I'll be bringing more furniture over and then get to the fantastic part of setting it up how I have dreamed in my minds eye for a Long time.